i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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