Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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