Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize