You're my little dorito
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
