had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
