On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
