Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the liver wants what the liver wants
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
