I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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