I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
