Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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