How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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