Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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