I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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