Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
