Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wanna go halves on a baby?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
