Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
