you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
