the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
as a side note pls kill me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
