i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
