did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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