good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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