A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
