Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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