Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
