I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize