She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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