What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
