went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
