that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
