Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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