just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs