I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
