I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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