i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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