He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
