Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
