you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
