yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
