I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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