hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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