omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
