if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
