I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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