im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
