Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
