It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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