I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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