I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
