There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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