I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
