guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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