Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
