I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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