ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
