Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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