Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if only i could text you this smell
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
