just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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