Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
