Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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