Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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