I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
