sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
