areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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