Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
