YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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